It drives me nuts how many people I see trying to FORCE a relationship. It’s the biggest time waster. Forcing a relationship gets you the exact opposite outcome that you’re trying to achieve!
Are you guilty of trying to force a relationship?
When you’re looking for love you must be open and honest. You must be open and honest not only with the person you’re dating but with yourself. If you’re not honest with yourself then you can’t be honest with the people you date. You’re basically just throwing darts at a board and hoping one hits the bullseye. How many times do you hit the bullseye when throwing darts? (This does not apply if you’re some sort of dart board champion)
When dating, it’s important to express your opinions without judging the other person. You should be open with what works for you and with what doesn’t work for you. Don’t apologize for what you need and how you feel. Also, don’t make another person feel badly if what you both need doesn’t line up. You don’t have to be a demanding jerk about it, but you do need to know what you need. Don’t push someone to be someone they’re not. Don’t try to make someone feel a certain way. Don’t expect that everyone you meet and date will have the same belief structure that you do. You also must mean what you say and be able to back it up. You have to be willing and able to say “That’s okay if that’s what you need, but that doesn’t work for me.”
Then you must be able to walk away.
Too often we try to force a relationship. We try to force someone to be a person they’re simply not. We think that we’re right and they’re wrong and they will eventually see that. No, they won’t. We think he or she must understand! They must agree with us or they’re the bad guy.
No, there’s no bad guy. There’s just reality.
The reality is that most people we date are NOT who we’re supposed to end up with. The reality is that so many people try to force a relationship with the wrong person rather than just be patient and wait for the right person to show up.
We’re afraid to be alone so we try and morph someone into something they’re not. Some of us would rather be unhappy with the wrong person instead of alone. The sad truth is that if you’re with someone simply for the sake of not being alone, you will inevitably end up alone! You must think long term and not be looking for a quick fix. Dating shouldn’t be a drug. When you try to force relationships you either end up alone and unhappy or have a lot of failed relationships. You must learn to be patient. Some of us would rather spend our time arguing constantly with the other person in hopes that they will change or finally “get it.”
It’s such a waste of time.
The reality is that there is someone out there who will “get it.” There is someone who will get YOU. Again, you just have to be patient.
Patience is a virtue and it’s one that’s so important in relationships. It may be the most important virtue to finding your one and only.
In order to find the person you’re supposed to be with you need to do the following:
- Date more than one person at a time until you’re pretty positive that you have met the person you want to marry AND that they want to marry you! You’ve possibly even discussed getting married. Seriously, so many people jump into a relationship before really getting to know a person. Before you know it, you’ve wasted a TON of time on a person who was never any good for you. Dating more than one person at a time helps you weed through the crazies faster, and keeps you from wasting your time on a person until you really get to know him or her. I call it Old School Dating and it works. If you’re single and dating and haven’t read that post yet, then you’re missing out on dating strategies that simply work.
- Be patient and don’t try to force a relationship. End relationships that consist of constant conflict and bickering. If you’re constantly bickering with the person you’ve been dating for a few months, then you’re trying to force it. (or your fighting about stuff that’s not important and you need to grow up!) Quick Deviation…if you find yourself fighting about the same types of things you fought about with high school boyfriends, then you need to grow up…
- Just be YOU. So often we hide parts of ourselves for fear the other person will leave. We’re afraid to say what we feel. It’s so silly because eventually it does come out! Eventually we fall back into our regular habits after we’ve been dating a while. The truth always comes out! You can’t hide your wants and desires forever and you shouldn’t have to!
Don’t be a sitting duck. Take control over your life.
If you’re doing this, then it’s time to rip off the band aid! They will see you for who you really are eventually so just get it over with already! Drop the act. Just be YOU and the person meant for YOU will show up. If you’re not being who you really are on the inside, then you’re just prolonging the inevitable. When you are authentic you also learn things about yourself that you may need to change. Learn how you relate to people organically and then organically grow. Don’t be a faker! There’s no reason for that nonsense. You’re actually delaying the process even more! You’re adding more time to your search for love by not being yourself. Be authentic. Be yourself.
The people who know who they are, and are not afraid to say what’s on their mind, will find love sooner. Period.
Why? They will weed through people a LOT faster who are no good for them simply because they spoke up! You speed up the process by being YOU. Why the delay? Why mold yourself to be someone you’re not?
Those that aren’t authentic and true to themselves (the good, the bad and the ugly) are delaying the process of finding someone special.
It’s the dumbest thing ever and yet we still do it! We’re afraid to be alone, so we hide who we are for fear the other person will go away. What happens next? We finally get comfortable because we’ve been together a while. We begin to relax and get more real. When we finally come out of hiding, the other person is like who the heck is this? What happened to the person I was dating? Fighting ensues and then it’s over. Do you know what I’m talking about?
Here’s a suggestion.
Be Yourself. Don’t be afraid. You are YOU and that’s okay. There is someone out there waiting for YOU to find them!
If you have issues you need to work on, then work on yourself. I’m not saying people should accept who you are if you’re being a jerk, okay? What I’m saying is simple. Work on your issues. Be aware of your issues so that you understand how to relate to others positively. It’s okay to have flaws. We ALL have flaws. You need to find someone who can accept your flaws and work with you, not against you. Find someone whose flaws YOU can accept. Find someone who understands where you’re coming from and you understand them. They either get it, or they don’t. Find someone who gets it.
Don’t force it.
It’s time to face the music. It’s time to accept reality. If you’re constantly bickering and fighting all of the time, then you’ve put enough time in to know that it’s not working. Do you need to find someone else? Do you need to work on yourself first? Figure out which one it is and then do it. That’s what grown ups do. No more whining. No more complaining. No more bickering about things of no consequence. Find out who you are. Be that person. Take control over your life and make change happen.
Get it done.
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