Men CRAVE this ONE trait in women more than anything else.
I’ll give you a hint… It’s not how pretty you are. It’s not how sweet you are. It’s not how great of a cook you are.
It’s one trait and one trait only.
If you’re vulnerable with a man you will have him hanging on your every word. He will want to do anything he can to make you happy. Seriously. I don’t mean that in a bad way towards men. They crave it! They long to be with a woman who can be vulnerable. When a woman is vulnerable with a man, it means she feels safe with him. More importantly, when a woman is strong enough on the inside, in order to allow herself to be vulnerable, it means a man can feel safe with her.
Men’s biological instinct is to protect and provide. When you’re vulnerable with him, you satisfy those primal urges. (one of them anyway) 😉
It may sound silly, or too simple, but that’s because we make it too hard. Think about it.
Don’t we all want to be in a relationship with someone who makes us feel safe? Makes us feel heard? Don’t we all want to be in a relationship with someone who makes us feel like we can open up and share our thoughts and feelings without being judged?
You can’t do that when you’re with a person who is unable to be vulnerable. If you’re unable to be vulnerable it means you’re still criticizing yourself too harshly, and therefore, more likely to be critical of your partner.
The fastest way to ruin or end a loving relationship is to criticize your partner. How do you avoid this? You allow yourself to be vulnerable. This in turn allows your partner to be vulnerable. You create a safe place that you can both go, where you won’t be judged. You also may need to get over yourself! Stop taking yourself so seriously.
If you struggle to show vulnerability, let me tell you something right now…
You’re not always right.
You’re acting from a place of fear.
You have defects just like all of us do.
You have imperfections.
You are not and will never be perfect.
Guess what? That’s okay.
You just have to find someone who is perfect for you. You have to accept those imperfections about yourself. You have to be accountable for them. You have to forgive yourself. Then most importantly, you have to accept your partner’s imperfections as well. You also forgive your partner. You must love yourself and allow your damaged self to be loved. You must also love and accept your damaged partner.
Remember, we’re all a little damaged. We all deserve love. You just better be damn sure you’re giving love if you expect to have it given to you!
Are you able to show vulnerability?
This is way too scary for a lot of people. To be vulnerable means you allow another person to see who you really are, faults and all. It means you have to open yourself up to possible criticism. It also means you have to be willing to be disappointed by others.
You have to allow yourself disappointment so that you find what is real. Not what you’ve made up in your head so that you’re able to cope with life. You allow disappointment and rejection so that you can move on and find someone who is better for you. Someone who accepts you for who you really are and nothing less. Find someone who you can also accept.
Find someone who doesn’t judge you, or criticize you. Find someone who loves you for who you really are. Someone who not only gets you, but actually loves those traits about yourself that you may find so unappealing. You find a person who is able to see the good, in the bad. When you’re able to be vulnerable it means you’re accepting. It means you have a soft heart, but a strong will. You’re able to accept yourself for who you are, and as a result, you’re able to accept others. You accept other people’s feelings, thoughts and their vulnerabilities.
We all want to be around a person who makes us feel accepted, don’t we? That’s why we have best friends. That’s why we have people in our lives that we spend time with. We don’t hang out with these people simply because they exist. We hang out with these people because we feel accepted. We feel validated in a sense and we feel safe in their company.
A woman who knows how to be vulnerable yet strong is the sexiest and most attractive trait she can have. Hands down. No contest.
You don’t have to be the prettiest. You don’ t have to be the smartest, or coolest, or the best in shape.
You just must be willing to be vulnerable.
What does it mean to be vulnerable?
You have to be able to open your heart. You have to be able to live in your heart and not only in your head. When you live in your head all the time, it gives off a masculine vibe. When you live in your heart, you project femininity. If you want the alpha male, you have to learn how to be vulnerable. More importantly, if you want to keep the alpha male, you have to learn how to be vulnerable.
When you’re vulnerable, you’re not perfect all the time. You‘re open, raw, and honest.
No real man wants a perfect woman! No man wants to have to live up to those expectations! He wants a woman who is perfect for him. He sees you’re the woman that is perfect for him because you accept him for who he is.
Here’s how it has to go down…
- You’re vulnerable with him.
- He feels safe with you.
- He lets his guard down.
- He is vulnerable with you.
- You accept him!!!
- BAM. You’re the perfect woman for him. He will vow to make you feel safe and protected everyday.
(Of course, all of the other important things have to happen to make you fall for each other in the first place. If you want to stay in love and build true intimacy, then these series of events must occur, and then rinse and repeat. You can’t just do it once! Stay vulnerable.)
Men crave this. Women are so hard these days. A lot of women give off masculine energy. A lot of women these days live too much in their head and they give off a masculine vibe. Masculine energy will repel masculine men. If you want to be with a man who will provide for you and protect you, you have to learn to be vulnerable.
I’m not saying men cannot be vulnerable. In fact, there are men who are better at this than women! I’m saying that when a woman takes the lead and is vulnerable, it is the most irresistible trait she can have. A man who is attracted to a woman already, who then discovers she is able to be vulnerable with him, will literally yank him in. He will be so mesmerized that he will do everything he can to make his woman happy. His primal urges will kick in and he will want to make his woman feel safe forever.
If you’re trying to attract the alpha male and keep him, you will find it impossible if you don’t learn how to be vulnerable.
What does vulnerability look like?
You’re allowed to show jealousy. You’re allowed to show fear. You’re allowed to show weakness. You’re allowed to show imperfections. (You just can’t act crazy, okay!) There’s nothing wrong with calmly and openly expressing jealousy. As long as you make it about you. You can’t make it about what the other person is doing wrong. It has to be about how it makes you feel. It’s actually a funny thing. When you express jealousy calmly and openly it can actually make your partner feel good! It’s nice to know your partner still get’s jealous simply because they love you and want to be with you. You’re also allowed to say “I’m afraid!” Why are we so damn afraid to say we’re afraid of something?
Okay Niki, why in the world would I show my weaknesses? That sounds like the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
You show your weaknesses because we all have them. You keep it real.
You show them because once you open up your heart and show that you’re imperfect, it allows men to do the same. It allows him to enter a more emotional space that he isn’t accustomed to. He can enter that space because he isn’t being judged. He sees you’re showing a side of yourself that is raw, open and honest. He will be in awe. He will be so in awe of you because he will see it as emotional strength.
As we know, showing emotion is not generally seen as a strength among men, right? I’m not saying that men don’t have emotional intelligence! I’m saying that women’s brains actually allow it to come more naturally to them. It’s just the way our brains are structured. Men think more logically and women think for emotionally. (We both think logically and emotionally by the way. I’m saying that men and women are each influenced a bit differently because of how our brain’s develop. You can read about that in more detail here.)
When a man is with a woman who is able to let her guard down and show her imperfections, it shows that she is accepting. This in turn allows her man to let his guard down as well. She feels safe with herself so, therefore, he feels safe with her.
This is when you get to the good stuff. Intimacy. When a man and a woman are able to be open and vulnerable with each other, that is when kindness and affection occur. That is when competition and tension go away.
Don’t believe me? Just try it. I promise you won’t be sorry.
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Do you find yourself chasing men? Stop and read this now.