WARNING: MAJOR RANT…
I’m giving some tough love today, but it’s needed.
Remember, I care about you so that means I may tell you something you don’t want to necessarily hear.
There’s only one thing that you should focus on if you’re finding yourself unlucky in love.
I don’t care where you are in life. Whether you’ve never been married, or you’re recently divorced, gay, straight, smart, fit, curvy, goofy, tall, short….the same applies to all.
I mean it, there’s just one thing you MUST do before you even think about finding someone new.
This is for people who…
- just got dumped
- keep getting dumped
- get stuck in dead end relationships
- are unhappy with their love life
- are struggling to meet people
- are struggling to attract people
- are currently unhappy in their relationship
I’m sure I’m missing some scenario, but basically, if you’re unlucky in the love department then this is the best advice you’re ever going to get.
I’m going to keep it really simple.
I’m going to tell you one thing that you MUST do NOW, before you even think about going out on another date, let alone start to fantasize about a relationship with someone.
I did a podcast episode last week and I said something that made a light bulb go off in my head!
The more people I speak to who are unlucky in love, the more this becomes blazingly clear.
If you’re unlucky in love, you need to focus on one thing FIRST.
What is it?
You need to focus on becoming the best version of YOU.
That all….for now.
Stop dating. Stop looking for someone. Just stop it.
Shift the focus back to YOU.
Why does this work?
When you work on becoming the best version of you, two things will happen. These are the only two things that need to happen for you to be ready for love.
Become the best version of yourself NOW and this will do two things…
- It will make you happy.
- It will make you confident.
That’s all you need to find love. That’s it. It really is that simple.
When you’re confident you attract other confident people. When you’re happy you attract other happy people.
When you’re unhappy you attract other unhappy people. If you haven’t learned how to be happy on your own…and I mean truly happy with the person you are, then you will attract another unhappy person who feels the same way. This person will depend on you for their happiness. Why? You are depending on this person for yours! If you’re unhappy and still dating, then you’re depending on other people for your happiness.
That doesn’t work. It never works. Nobody can make you happy except YOU.
So let me ask you… are you happy? Think about it. Are you truly happy? If the answer is meh, then you’re unhappy.
Unless the answer is…
“Yes, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and in the best place right now,”
…..then you’re not ready to date.
You need to sit down and think about what makes you happy.
Then more importantly, you need to go and do it, and THEN you can start dating again.
Why are you unhappy most likely?
Most of the time when we’re unhappy it’s because we’re not doing anything about what’s making us unhappy!
We look outwards for validation, instead of in the only place it matters. You have to look within for validation from YOURSELF. Then you don’t care if you get it from another person. Then what happens? You meet the right person for YOU. You don’t need validation from every person you date, because you’re confident living your own fulfilling life. You know that if you continue to live your truth and be the best version of you, that the right person will come along. You will no longer try to force it with the wrong people
So what’s holding you back? Are you afraid?
Maybe you just won’t get off your butt, because you’re being lazy. Whatever it is, you need to figure out how to be happy.
Do you want to know what else makes most of us unhappy?
We aren’t confident. We don’t feel good about who we are, or where we are in life, and so we’re not confident.
If you aren’t confident in who you are, then you won’t be happy. If you have things that you feel badly about, then you won’t be confident and, therefore, you won’t be happy.
This may sound super simple, but lately people are making it way too complicated!
So again, let me tell you what to do.
You must begin to work on yourself. You must start TODAY on becoming the best version of YOU.
Don’t try and be someone you’re not!!! Just work on being the best version of YOU.
Here are the basic things you need to do before you even think about becoming the best version of you.
- You cannot be lazy. Love is NOT for the lazy. Are you lazy? STOP IT. Get off your ass and get moving.
- Is your house clean? Does your house smell?
- Is your car clean? Does your car smell? Is your car safe?
- Is your yard well kept?
- Are your clothes clean?
- Do you show up nicely groomed for the day?
- Are your nails dirty?
- Is your hair always dirty?
- Is your makeup a disaster?
- Are you holding down a steady job?
- Do you have good habits?
- Are you working to kick bad habits that are bringing you down?
- Do you have friends who do the above? What I mean is, do you hang around other adults?
- Are you still living like your momma lives with you but she doesn’t so your place is a mess?
- Do you know how to prepare at least two cooked meals?
- Do you have food in your fridge? Real food and not crap?
Do you see where I’m going with this?????
This may sound superficial, but let me tell you something. If you aren’t at least doing the bare minimum that I list above, then you will not attract another person who will respect you.
If I was dating someone who didn’t have the above basic items going for them, then I wouldn’t date them anymore. If I got to their house and it smelled, or their car was filthy, I wouldn’t go out with that person again.
Reminder: Love is NOT for the lazy.
Don’t just clean your house when someone is coming over. Keep your house clean. Pick up once a week at minimum. Vacuum, dust, Windex.. or hire someone to come every 1-2 weeks to do it.
Did something happen to your car and you haven’t fixed it yet? Get it fixed.
No food in your fridge? Go grocery shopping and get the basics.
Get your priorities straight. These are the basic ones. If you can’t at least have these basic requirements of life together, then you’re kidding yourself if you think you’re going to attract another mature adult who has their shit together.
Some of you may think what I mention above is a no brainer, but it’s not for everyone.
Show up as the BEST Version of you. What I describe above is the BARE minimum.
If you can’t do the BARE minimum, then don’t ask me for anymore love advice.
Why? None of that love advice will matter if you can’t do the bare minimum. It won’t help.
The only thing you need to do, is work on YOU. Then the rest will fall into place, and if it doesn’t, THEN I can help you.
Do this FIRST, then begin to date again.
Be proud of your home. Be proud of your car. I don’t care if it’s the cheapest car ever made. It should sparkle like the day you got it.
Be proud of your body, no matter its size or shape. Keep it clean and dress in clean clothes.
Be proud of your job. Be proud of who you are, and someone special will show up in your life. The person who picks you wants to be PROUD of who they picked!
What are your basic requirements in a partner? Make sure you have those things to offer before you even think about expecting it from another person.
Are you the person that YOU would want to date?
Yes, I got down to the basics, but take care of the basics first.
You will feel amazing. You will feel like a million bucks.
This will increase your confidence. This will make you feel better about who you are then you will be happy.
When you’re confident and happy, you will attract others who are as well.
Got the basics down? GREAT!!!!!
What are three things that you need to do better? What are you doing to work on yourself to become the best version of you?
Also, I’ll let you in on a little secret…
You don’t have to even accomplish these three things on your list.
Seriously. You just need progress. Progress feels good. Progress make you feel like a winner, even if you don’t get it 100%.
You will confident that you’re making strides. You will feel happy that you’re doing what you set your mind to do.
All you need is progress, not perfection.
So….get off your ass and get moving!!!!
You’ve got this.
Be the best version of you, whatever that looks like for you. Remember, there’s no right or wrong answer. It’s what YOU want.
Be the best version of you and you will attract others who are the best version of themselves.
Don’t even think about dating until you do this!
Tough love today.
I love you. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel confident in who you are.
Show up as your best self so that you can be proud of who you are. Be your best so you feel confident.
Live your best life. You’ve only got one!!! What the hell are you waiting for?
Okay, I’ll shut up now…
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