Love is not for the lazy! I said that in an interview a week ago so I wanted to revisit that statement is this week’s post.
We’re a society built on instant gratification. I think that’s another reason why more and more people struggle to find a lasting and deep connection with someone. It’s a lot of work!
Love is not for the lazy, but instant gratification is.
If we want to buy something, we order it on amazon prime and in two days it arrives.
If we want to know the answer to something, we google it and seconds later we have our answer.
If we don’t like who we’re dating, we sign up for bumble or some other dating site, swipe right, and shortly we have a new date lined up for the weekend.
If you’re looking for real love, then instant gratification has got to go.
Instant gratification is the #1 love killer.
It can no longer be the way you live your life.
I always say love is a marathon, and not a sprint.
Online dating has completely changed the game.
Online dating feeds into the instant gratification fix that people live by these days. We’re already prone to instant gratification because it’s human nature to want to feel good right now.
I remember back when I did it. I did match.com. There was always someone new! There was always a new face each day so you never really had to commit. Plus, with the huge influx of people each day, you become extremely picky. You become a lot pickier than you would ever be in real life because you could never meet that many people, right? It’s kind of a double-edged sword. You can’t be too picky because you would never go out with anyone but there’s so many people how do you narrow it down? Then just when you think you’ve narrowed it down, you reach out, and you never hear back from any of the people you reached out to. Online dating can be extremely frustrating!
Why are you forced to be picky?
You know more about this person in minutes before you even speak to that person. Yes, this can be good, but it can also make us super picky. We don’t message someone that could have been a great romantic potential because there’s always a new face, or that person’s profile isn’t exactly what we think we want or need. Maybe there’s just one little item on the profile that makes us swipe left.
Most likely that little piece of information would never have been at our disposal if we met organically. Maybe that one little piece of information doesn’t even matter because the person is so amazing in so many other areas? Maybe if we met organically, it wouldn’t have even surfaced? It’s something to think about if you’re online dating.
Also, some people don’t take great photographs. Some people look better in person! Some people don’t know all the tricks to taking selfies and photo editing, so those people miss out! Those are probably the kind of people frankly that you want to meet!!! They aren’t as concerned with looks. I bet if you met some of those people in person you would feel relieved that you didn’t swipe left.
We’ve become so visual! Everything is online, so everything must be more esthetically pleasing in order to stand out. It’s so dumb, but it’s the reality because there are so many people online.
There’s too many people. It’s so overwhelming.
I think if you’re going to do online dating you should narrow it down by type of dating site. What does this mean? Either pay more and have someone match you, or find a site that makes the dating pool smaller.
It did It’s Just Lunch and it was way better than online dating. Yes, it was more expensive, but I met more quality people that way. I met more people who were a good fit for me. Think about all the money you waste on dates that are a complete waste of time. How long do you think you will need to pay for match.com or for some other dating site’s monthly fee? What about the emotional investment? What price tag do you put on that?
I was doing research last week and there were sites for all the different types of religions, Latin dating sites, over ages 50 sites, single parents, single professionals, big and beautiful people sites, and even farmers dating sites! (see add below)
I also saw a site that I thought was super cool for music lovers. It’s called TasteBuds.fm and the idea is to meet people who are into the same type of music as you. You can select the type of music you like, and then you select if you’re on the site to meet people to date or to meet concert buddies. They match you with others in your area that are into the same music. I didn’t try that one when I was single because it’s new but if anyone tries it out let me know…
I think that’s pretty awesome and I think it would be super smart of app developers to make more along this line of thinking.
They’ve got to narrow down the dating pool. There’s simply too many people and it makes it very hard to find people to date who are actually a good fit and not simply just single!
What about apps for people who are into art? What about dating apps for jocks? What about dating apps for people who like to sing karaoke? I know that there are social groups you can join, but how cool to narrow it down even further with an app? It almost seems like it’s necessary to break down these groups a bit more due to the sheer volume of people now on dating sites.
There was also a dating app for people who like to travel. You can travel to places and meet other locals or others traveling to that area. I thought that was cool too.
Obviously, stay away from Tinder and other hook-up dating sites. If you’re reading my blog and looking for love then you shouldn’t be on anything that even remotely signifies hooking up. I’m not saying there aren’t any nice people on Tinder, but you’re going to have to sort through those only looking to hook-up. It’s hard enough already!
Here’s my thoughts on online dating.
Don’t be so picky! Go out with people who aren’t hot, okay? Go out with people who aren’t your type, okay? Go out with people who look like normal people who take normal pictures, okay???
Spend more time reading profiles and not looking at pictures. Spend more time learning about the person and if they aren’t completely revolting, then reach out. Seriously, just do it.
Remember, love is not for the lazy. Take the time to do the work on yourself first. If you continue to end up in dead-end relationships, stop dating and do some work on yourself. Figure out what it is about YOU that’s preventing you from meeting your soulmate. I promise you it’s not every person you’re dating. Do the work on yourself, first.
Make sure you’re ready for love before you begin searching and remember the most important thing you need to know if you want to find love that lasts….
You have to be the best version of you and live a happy life before you will find your forever person.
Period. That’s just the way it is. There’s no short-cuts!
Subscribe to my newsletter for updates and more posts like this.